January 2019 humbled me in a way I had never been humbled before. I had been experiencing a few symptoms for 2-3 months that weren’t new to me, but that I couldn’t find a reason or physical explanation for. Most persistent of these symptoms were bouts of nausea that would last a few days then suddenly disappear. After 2 OTC pregnancy tests that were negative, I chose to see a doctor of family medicine. He wanted to know if there was anything out of the ordinary or added stress in my life, to which I shrugged and responded I didn’t think so. He pressed further at which point I mentioned there were some recent circumstances such as my husband and I both being laid off on November 1, which was awful timing because within that same week my husband had a relapse of MS (Multiple Sclerosis) symptoms, the week after Thanksgiving I had to put down my beloved pet Christmas and shortly after that I was taking care of my mother who came down with bronchitis. “Anxiety”. This was the doctor’s response. I shook my head as if to say, “Nope, that’s not it”. These circumstances were actually not that out of the ordinary in my mind, this was life, people deal with this stuff all the time. In my mind, there had been far worse situations I had pulled through in the past, so this couldn’t be why I was no longer feeling myself.

Fast forward a couple weeks from that doctor’s visit, and I found myself unable to fall asleep for 3-4 days at a time over about a 3-4 week period. I was having multiple panic attacks a day (which at the time I didn’t know were panic attacks), and on the nights I did manage to get a few hours of sleep I would awake to what felt like my heart about to beat out of my chest. The lack of sleep and not eating had me in a downward spiral that I couldn’t find a way out of. My husband gave me what ended up being the greatest suggestion of my life; “I think you need to talk to somebody”. He didn’t mean just anybody, he had been by my side and trying whatever he could think of to pull me out of this hole. He thought it would really help if I sought the advice of a therapist.

February 5, 2019 I started on a journey to which I’ve learned has no finite destination. On a mission to figure out and “fix” whatever was broken inside of me (my thinking at the time), I have uncovered what is the most difficult relationship I’ve ever been in, the relationship with myself. The plethora of knowledge I have obtained in search of answers for myself has given me the inspiration to create an online community where I can share this information. Ultimately, it is my hope to provide somewhat of a sanctuary for anyone seeking answers to the same or similar puzzles I’ve been working hard at piecing together. I invite you to explore with me. If you have made it this far in my story, thank you, I am grateful for your attention.