Feeling proud. Feeling comfortable. Feeling peace. These thing are new to me…..

I have proven to myself that I have no issue sleeping. I sleep. I sleep well. There are nights with a deep sense of calm and no irritation with sleeping. There are also nights where sleep doesn’t come right away, and I find the sense of calm I need by sleeping in another room. It’s adequate. I’m getting sleep and feel enough energy to conquer my days and maintain a regular exercise routine.

So now, where do I go from here? Do I continue to force a way to achieve these “perfect” nights I’ve been striving for? It’s maddening, and I want to just roll my eyes at the situation. No matter how many times I tell myself and show myself that there is no sleep issue, something in this mind of mine keeps holding on. So again, where do I go from here?

Do I give it power? No, I think I’ve proven to myself that when I take back the power all is well. So there we have it. I suppose where I go from here is to carry on. Perhaps it is time to accept that bedtime will not be a constant. In the way my mood can easily change from morning to afternoon, or my energy can shift from high to low or even low to high; my nights will be ever shifting. Not something easy to accept. Perhaps I’m just clinging on to have something from the past. There has been so much change in the past 2 years, that maybe my mind is having a hard time setting me free. Fear of the unknown I suppose. And there we have it. Fear. Fear of moving on to the next chapter. This is all so new.

Understanding myself. Being confident and at peace with who I am. Making myself a priority. Feeling proud of who I am versus just proud of my accomplishments. Feeling comfortable in my own skin. Feeling unapologetic. Feeling peace. These things are all new to me.